一人慣會說謊，對親家云：“舍間有三寶：一牛每日能行千里，一雞每更止啼一聲，又一狗善能讀書。”
親家駭云：“有此異事，來日必要登堂求看。”
其人歸與妻述之：“一時說了謊，怎生回護？”
妻曰：“不妨，我自有處。”
次日，親家來訪，內云：“早上往北京去了。”
問：“幾時回？”
答曰：“七八日就來的。”
又問：“為何能快？”
曰：“騎了自家牛去。”
問：“宅上還有報更雞？”
適值亭中午雞啼，即指曰：“只此便是，不但夜裡報更，日間生客來也報的。”
又問：“讀書狗請借一觀。”
答曰：“不瞞親家說，只為家寒，出外坐館去了。”
* From Youxi zhuren 遊戲主人 (fl. 19th century)[1] ed., Xiaolin guangji 笑林廣記 2.8b-9a: https://ctext.org/library.pl?if=en&file=92726&page=50
A habitual liar told his relative: “I’ve got three treasures at home: an ox capable of travelling a thousand miles a day, a cock crowing once at the end of each night-hour,[2] and a dog well versed in literature.”
The relative said in astonishment: “How extraordinary! [I] shall visit you and view [them] someday.”
The man returned home and told his wife about it: “It was just a random fib, how to cover it up?”
His wife said: “Don’t worry. I’ve got this.”
The next day, the relative came over. The wife said: “[My husband] left for Beijing this morning.”
[The relative] asked: “When will [he] return?”
[She] replied: “In about seven or eight days.”
[He] asked: “So soon? How’s that possible?”[3]
[She] said: “[He’s] travelling on our own ox.”
[He] asked: “But you’ve also got a cock that reports on night-hours?”
It was at noon, and a cock happened to crow. [The wife] pointed at [it], saying: “That’s the one. Not just night-hours, it also reports on new visitors during daytime.”
[He] asked: “May [I] also have the honour of seeing the learned dog?”
[She] answered: “To tell you the truth, since our family is not well-off, [the dog] is out tutoring.”
[1] The name reads “Master of Fun”, and some identify the compiler as Cheng Shijue 程世爵, about whom little is known except that he was a native of Pingjiang 平江, Jiangsu. [2] Geng 更 (night-hour, or night-watch) is a two-hour unit that divides the period from 7pm to 5am into five parts. [3] The text of the Xiaolin guangji is written in literary Chinese mixed with occasional colloquial expressions from the Wu region (around present-day Shanghai, Jiangsu and Zhejiang, some 1200 km from Beijing).
“Taiping qiniu” 太平騎牛; album leaf by Dai Jin 戴進 (1388-1462)
Image credit: National Palace Museum, Taipei
A dog figurine from the Tang dynasty (618-907)
Image credit: Shaanxi History Museum (https://www.sxhm.com/collections/detail/9460.html)
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